Monday

Daniel is Departing . . .

He requested, we delivered. I had my first get together at my house this weekend, and it was a wine and cheese party in lieu of the departure of Daniel. The wine varied from Sake to fancy blends toted down from Seattle, the cheese from pepperjack to wendsleydale, and the company from old faces to new. Aside from TJ scowling at every nice passerby, everyone seemed to have a good time. My only regret is that I didn't take more pictures. These are the few that I have ( 1 2 3 4), and it makes it look like there were only 4 of us there. Sorry to everyone else that was there that I missed!!

Daniel, best of luck in Texas. We'll all miss your company. Come see us soon, cause you know none of us are going anywhere!

Wednesday

ShannonSurf

I really dig this girl. She's a complete soul surfer, artist, and has travelled all over the world, just for a few. I just bought one of her prints for my house, and was browsing a bunch more on her site...which you should definitely check out. It's not too often that I find artists like this that I actually like, but she's got a really unique style, and she definitely walks the talk.

New Perspective

So I'm lame and borrowed (that word's nicer than stole) this clip from a friend's site. But he was right, and it was moving.
I love the beach for its gray/blue sky right before the sun comes up, then as the first rays jet out over the calm water, they change the color of the sand from brown to gold.
I love the beach with a crystal clear aqua blue sky, bouncing off of the blues and greens in the water - making it so alive and inviting. The water moves in slow motion for me those days, allowing me to drink in each passing minute to the fullest - eager for the next, thankful for the last, happy to be alive and part of it. The sun sorching the sand, turning it to white.
I love the beach with the dark rumble of an approaching storm - the sky wild and purple, just churning and clashing together - like thick charcoal steam from a freight train rolling over the horizon. The waves angrily dancing below. The battered sand a deep cold univiting gray.
I love the beach at sunset - the sky a watercolor fingerpainting of hot pink, peach, coral, yellows - blues and purples. The reflection making the water look like spilled oil with its swirling rainbows within. The sand looking pink - the beach is alive at sunset.
I love the beach at night with the black sky and twinkling stars stretched out above. The moon with it's silky silver train leaking down and accross the lapping waves. The cool silver sand covering my toes. A hot cup of coffee to warm my hands, and hopefully good company to warm my heart.

I think I see everything - in fact I strive to. To make mental pictures in my mind, so that at a moments notice, I can go back to that place -to that feeling-to that observation, and continue reliving and enjoying it over and over. Maybe I do physically see everything, but after listening to this, I realized that I've missed so much. The man that gave this interview is blind, and his experience of this place that I'm so familiar with is decisively different, but so beautiful. I still have so much to see.

i googled my name under the images section and this was the first thing that popped up. I like it.

I read this little blurb from C.S. Lewis's book A Grief Observed and it really struck me.

“Not that I am (I think) in much danger of ceasing to believe in God. The real danger is of coming to believe such dreadful things about Him. The conclusion I dread is not ‘So there is no God after all,’ but ‘So this is what God’s really like. Deceive yourself no longer.’

I feel like this has been my struggle with God for the past 2 years or so. I am hard pressed to believe that I would ever get to a point where I could not believe in God, but in many ways, I do feel a bit disillusioned. Especially after this past year. I do find myself saying - I know you're there, but this is what you really allow? This is the way the world is allowed to go on? I have really been seeking what I feel is God to me - the God I know that wants to know me - not the one that was taught to me - but the living and breathing one that influences and affects my life and gives me purpose on this earth. I also feel myself shrinking back at times and with certain experiences and wondering if this is what the real God is really like. Is this the God that I've sought for so earnestly?

I have no answers. I come with many questions. The search continues. I had just not had my thoughts expressed so clearly until I read Lewis's paragraph.

silly

You just have to smile when you watch this. It's random, but now I kinda want to see the movie. The soundtrack has a bunch of polyphonic spree songs on it including this one...

Erin Go Braugh!

This is the one time of year that my name sounds really cool. Hopefully all of you will dig deep to find your irish roots today and gather in many a pub to eat, drink and be merry. For those of you who want to show off your Irish knowledge, you can take the history channel's "All Things Irish Quiz". I got a whopping 3 questions right....i know i know, a disgrace to ireland herself. See if you can show me up. Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Monday

To touch the wall of discovery
for just a brief moment
To have a revelation
for even a passing second
A whim of genius
The breakthrough to give
navigation to the journey
The light of love
to warm my shoulders
The want of another
to find satisfaction in me...

No answers to the query
No directions for the travel
No companion for my soul.

"I'm always on the outside of love,
Standing at the gates looking at the beauty above,
Of course I'll be alright,
I just had a bad night..."

Wednesday

and the point is...

So, I recently finished reading , re-reading rather, The Stranger by Albert Camus. It's kind of like the existentialist's mantra put into living form through the main character Mersault. I haven't read this book in almost 9 years, and thought that I might get much more from it this time around.

The point Camus is making (ironic actually that he is trying to put accross a point and affect other people -antithesis of his philosophy) is that there isn't one. No point for anything. You just live day to day and whatever happens happens and it affects nothing. In fact, when you do have a passing thought of an emotion, it will confuse the heck out of you, because there is no point for emotion or even thought about emotion in life.

I just can't reconcile this form of belief. If there is no point, why the hell am I here? I'd rather not be. I am affected by and do affect others and things in this world. The pain and suffering right along with joy and love are what make being alive real. The idea that tomorrow just might be better than the last and the anticipation of the unknown is what keeps me breathing for another day.

Anyway, I would think that psychologically, it's nearly impossible to actually live a proper philosophically existentialist lifestyle. You would have to be so incredibly emotionally detatched - it would just be devastating for the people around you. It's possibly the most selfish philosophical position that one can take. You wouldn't care of course - but unless you really deeply do have emotional/psychological problems - it would be nearly impossible to detach yourself to that degree. And for what point? I guess I'm a bit too goal oriented for existentialist philosophy.

Monday

taxes are bufalay.

What a Weekend!

You know - Florida gets knocked a lot for a lot of different reasons, but I don't think anyone in their right mind could say that they would want to be anywhere else when we're having weather like we are right now. For that very reason, we got out and spent the weekend in the great outdoors, and what a great weekend it was. Sat. morning TJ and I went down to Las Olas with some friends to an art fest and spent the beautiful morning perusing mildly interesting exhibits. We got a great little lunch at this deli on Las Olas and strolled through the local neighborhoods looking at all of the unique houses. It was really fun.

Kind of on a bit of a whim, we headed up to Jupiter around 5 to Jonathon Corbitt State Park to go camping. We bought an awesome new tent and were pretty stoked to get it up and give it a try. Now this place is for REAL camping - no electricity, no bathrooms, no lights - just you, the outdoors, and the alligators. Yep, the alligators. Almost all of sites sit on water and we spent all night listening to the alligators grunt and finding their little red eyes looking at us with the mag light. We had one little near run-in with a little guy, but thanks to TJ and his expert pine cone throwing ability, we effectively scared him off. We also saw an owl, an otter, a turtle, tons of birds, and tons of bird-size mosquitos. It was just beautiful.

On the way out the next morning, we called up our buddy Steve, just to find that he and some other friends were headed to Peanut island with their boat. We met up with them and spent the remainder of the day lounging around on the boat and in the water on the sandbar just off of the island. The weather was perfect, the company was great, and I couldn't have asked for a better way to spend a Sunday. Needless to say, I'm not in a huge rush to get on with my work week. Ahhh, viva la weekend.

Wednesday

"There were so many fewer questions when stars were still just the holes to heaven"

Tuesday

The polls are in...

The big CA (D) primary is underway and preliminary polls show . . .

i like the pretty music

I'm thinking I really like this girl. She went to Stanford University (where I was born, so she wins points there) where she studied to be a computer programmer. Which, she later became, until one day she gave it all up to pursue her first love, music, using her classical piano training to get her there. give her a listen

I've got a few things milling around in there...

Ok, first off, did anyone see Larry King last night. Probably not - he wasn't interviewing anyone really exciting - the American Idol judge panel and a panel discussion on the Kobe Byrant case. The real excitement came in the fashion form. Did anyone see that man sporting a black shirt with hot pink suspenders?! What a little plate he is these days! When Larry King is wearing it - you know the punk / coolness factor is just way out the door.

Secondly, I was really intrigued by this article that tj and I ran accross last night. I think it's so wonderfully convenient how the separation of church and state is just utilized to benefit politicians in anyway they see fit. No, no, you can't bring religious ideas into the school system - it vioates the separation of church and state becuase we are a state runned insititution - even though there might be people of those religious faiths in the institution. But then, yes, of course we can make mandates on your privately run, religious based, organization and it doesn't violate the separation of church and state becuase there are people that don't share those religious views employed there. Well, my god, if a Catholic hospital (for example) were to only hire Catholics, you know it would only be a brief matter of time until they were sued for discrimination. What a freakin' load. I love it. What it comes down to, is that as long as an organization is privately owned and run - as long as it's not violating federal laws - they should have the right to run their business how they see fit. Yes, they are still open to civil suits from employees, but that set up is what is supposed to protect private and not-for-profit organizations from lawsuits. Unbelievable. These type of issues is what really makes me struggle to have faith in our system and country sometimes.

Thirdly, I saw the Jesus movie Sun. night. I don't like calling it the passion movie, because I feel like it sounds cheesy, and there was absolutely nothing cheesy about this movie whatsoever. I've had a few thoughts sprout since seeing the film. One - I fist felt that I had to see the film, even if I really didn't want to, knowing the gruesomeness of the content. I had some weird feeling that that was the least I could do - to face what happened. I mean, I went to the Holocaust museum - both of them (DC and Israel) - even though it made me uncomfortable and even nauseous at times. I've gone to the Vietnam memorial even though physically seeing all of the names has brought tears. Getting face to face with the pain and suffering of others seems like the best way to honor them in some circumstances. Acknowledging what they went through, rather than brushing it under the rug to make us more comfortable. So, with that in mind, I felt that I had an obligation for the purpose of honoring to see the movie. Two - After seeing the movie, I felt like I had a ton of information and content to chew on and digest. Like I would be processing it for weeks and slowly letting it impact and motivate me (to what I'm not sure). And the first day or so, this was true. But, it's absolutely amazing how easy it is to let go and forget so quickly. It's like, see it once - shock value, then you don't have to look at it or see it or think about it anymore. See it everyday and you just become numb to it. This concept was partially responsible for my getting the cross portion of my tattoo year's ago. I wanted a physical reminder daily that I couldn't get away from of what my beliefs are rooted in. Regardless of how I or my philosophies change, I will never be able to deny that I have roots that start there. Anyways, it's kind of sad that I had to tattoo something on myself to make myself think about it. It's kind of like, what exactly does god have to do to get my attention? Third - I've really been wondering what impact seeing that movie has on people have not had the same religious upbringing that I have. I mean, I knew every scene before it happened - I've been to those places physically and know all of the stories and theories. I have thought it over and over again, and really can't even fathom what impact this would have on others at all. I'd love to do personal interviews with a handful of people just to see what they have to say - good, bad, intrigued or indifferent - whatever. I guess because being comfy cozy with religious themes is so normal and not having any background with that is so foreign to me - how the whole god concept effects other people outside of religious upbringings psychologically is just facinating to me.

Anyways, that's about it for now. Enough procrastinating and off to work...