I am a woman with teenage angst in a girl's body
I have hazel eyes, not brown
I have a store-bought smile
I have stick-straight hair
I don't like the way my lips look when they're red
I like bright colors
I look best in black
I don't like church
I love god
I like to smile
I love sad music
I'm afraid of a lot of things
I have weak fingernails
I have strong bones
I'm clumsy
I have my mother's eyes
I have my father's face
I have a good heart
I don't like my last name
I don't like the way I look in tight clothes
I like the way I look in candlelight
I can't sing
I know every word to all of the songs I like
I like to write
I like to draw
I like to take pictures
I like to play sports
I don't like for people to read them, look at them or watch me
I don’t like to be disappointed
I love my friends
I don’t like crowds of people
I’m lonely a lot
I like to be alone
I have big dreams
I have past accomplishments
I’ve made big mistakes
I like to travel
I like to read
I don’t like what I see in the mirror
I like to look in mirrors


-Ode to the Church-

What does God think of a person like me?
- A wind-up toy of this world,
My feeble mind, my sad heart, my poor decisions.
Are we like silent movies?
Are some of us black and white, and some of us in color?

They tell me I make Him cry - that I slap His face
That I'll never be an angel
That I'll never please - anyone.
Is apathy worse than conscious attack?
Does He laugh at my weak attempts at reason, at feeling, at the meaning of it all
Do the angels have to wipe His eyes?
If I could cross the divide - - If I could know what to do...
I could live the right way - love the right way
And I'd still come up short they say
They've done it -they've found the way,
And I'm not invited.


I'm wondering if it's possible to gain 15 lbs. in a week - because, I swear I've eaten at least 15 lbs. of chocolate since Valentine's Day. And it was the goods too. Not the crappy assortment of flavors that no one that likes chocolate acutally likes in the cheesy heart - we're talking york peppermint patties, hershey's kisses and godiva truffles. The goods.

So, I just returned from 2 days of working in Cocoa Beach - and before you poor baby me, it was all work and no play. Yes, I successfully managed to dodge fun waves once more. It was 36 degrees the night I got there, and not significantly warmer the next day. My measely spring suit and I decided that I'm not that much of a hardcore surfer.

"Marty-gras" tomorrow night a la pub! See you guys there!


fedex is bufalay


by god, i'm a blogging fool

So, I had to be as nice as my friends, and send a "shout-out" to my boyfriend for his birthday. A little known fact about tj, is that he is a major contributor to our fine King's English - that's right. In fact he is a published author. You can check out his inspirational additions to the English language here. (Check out "bufalay" - everybody's using it.)

the beauty

If thou must love me, let it be for nought
Except for love's sake only. Do not say
'I love her for her smile--her look--her way
Of speaking gently,--for a trick of thought
That falls in well with mine, and certes brought
A sense of pleasant ease on such a day
For these things in themselves, Beloved, may
Be changed, or change for thee,--and love, so wrought,
May be unwrought so. Neither love me for
Thine own dear pity's wiping my cheeks dry,
A creature might forget to weep, who bore
Thy comfort long, and lose thy love, thereby!
But love me for love's sake, that evermore
Thou mayst love on, through love's eternity.

"Sonnets from the Portuguese, XIV"
-Elizabeth Barrett Browing

This poem just really moved me when I found it this past week. You just don't find beautiful poetry that often anymore - and I appreciate free verse if anyone does. But there's something so lovely that comes with proper poetry. I have to think that in the mainstream arena of life - with all of our modern technical advances and cool blogging and digital this and that - that a lot of beauty has been left by the wayside. We now have to step out of the mainstream to find the art and grace in life whether it's written, spoken, sung, drawn or what have you.
Here's to bringing the beauty back.

hello world

Well here goes nothing. I've decided to try to be as cool as my cooler than cool friends and join up with the blogging times. This is kind of the test run to see if I'll keep up with it, and if I can find anything worthwhile to say. Stay posted.